LETTERS from James & Orpha: contents
mad in pursuit home
Postmarked Saturday 7.24.26, from Orpha in Glens Falls NY
It is well that I am only learning wanting your letters bring comfort and strength the lines are ones I have long loved and I feel them stir me as they always have but they do not calm me as they should, as they have before There seems to be no peace anywhere I almost desire none, so wholly am I possessed of this shaking, quivering thing there is nothing to do now but to spend it in hard work and in that way consume the hours that otherwise I could not command strength to endure oh, James, if I had known before last summer, that this is loving if I had had any conception of what you were feeling
Before, you were a Prince to me, a Silver-clad Prince leading me thru a misty coolness, to a star-lit mountain where a moon guarded us as it slowly wove thru snow-like clouds and you sang and murmured to me while I hid my face on your shoulder as the moon slipped behind whiteness
Now, you are a Sun god in a Flame-woven, burning garment of burnished gold it is noon day we are carried together, on a panting denizen of swiftness to a forest of fire-tipped, glowing trees that do not shield us from the reaching, desiring sun you are holding me my face is toward yours and my scorching lips are crying for yours
Oh forgive I am trying to be strong, my James but it is hard I do not mean to tantalize you, to weaken your restraint I shall be sane.
How can you think my plea for a letter on each day begging for a mechanical calendar-like operation? the day meant often never, oh, never a forced letter, James, you know I want spontaneity in all, too I could not explain on the phone people were here but I feared an interminable interval again I was then anticipating what torture it would be now And as for directing me to concern myself with writing to you it is now my life, I can but write, whenever my tired foolish hand can scrawl, it shall be at least your name your name, my James, oh I am trying to be strong