mad in pursuit journal

DISPATCHED FROM THE CROSSROADS, AT THE intersection OF art & artsy-fartsy

Artistic Priority

I got to the part in Sunday's self-analysis where you're supposed to set 6-month priorities. How do I make sure I don't just fritter the time away?

These answers don't come to me sitting at the computer. I need gel pens for serious contemplation.

The doodle on the left emerged. What do I want to do? Tell stories. With visuals, words, sounds. But not just any stories. STUNNING STORIES... that will take courage to tell. Make waves, not ripples.


To make a long story short, this led me to the unfinished movie I started writing back in 2004: "The Insider" — about my fall from grace at the Institution.

I worked long and hard on the initial screenplay notes and sketches. References:

Scribbling My Story (9.21.04, 9.22.04, 9.23.04, 9.24.04), Act II (9.27.04), Maddie Alive (10.24.04), Comics in Progress (11.11.04). Some visuals were introduced here, when I got intrigued with producing the movie as a set of animated letters and postcards.

On Sunday I decided that the story had to be told as a memoir, not as fiction. The fanciful animation will make it mythical, metaphorical and magical, but I still need to tell the True Story. This will keep it from dissolving into farce and will make it a better contribution to women who find themselves in similar situations — betrayed by putting their trust in ego-driven bosses and, of course, by their own need to be insiders.

But I need to ask: Am I prepared to do what it takes to get this produced?

Why did I let it lapse in the first place? The plan was for me to write and design till Maria got stabilized in her new job, then we'd both produce. That didn't happen. Then Italy... grand art made my work feel trivial. Plunged into genealogy and Ebay store in 2005. Genealogy has been an interesting quest for my roots and an act of love toward my parents, who started the work and loved the findings. The Ebay store was necessary to make space in our overcrowded dwelling and to begin the proper stewardship of our collections.



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