mad in pursuit memoir notebook
DISPATCHED FROM THE intersection of yesterday and forever
Career Disillusionment, Part 2
Trying Not to Delude Myself
What I wrote yesterday:
I never wanted anything more out of life than to give myself over to a great Cause. As long as the Cause gave me lots of work, lots of problems to solve, lots of ideas to sift through, I didn't need much else... But somehow, for me, the Cause got replaced by the Corporation. And the Corporation -- through the mechanisms of sycophants and suck-ups -- subtly becomes synonymous with the Executive Ego.
This might be bullshit. For nearly twenty years I was a happy corporate insider. I always reported directly to the CEO. And when the new CEO came in 1994, I was thrilled to be singled out as a special advisor. The special advisor. The consigliere. The darling. With gusto, I latched on to a new assignment that allowed me to form a team to reorganize the whole operation. It was very threatening to other leaders, but I was the organization girl. I knew what I was doing and was the only one among my colleagues who had the knowledge and skills to pull it off.
So did I think my privileged position would last forever? When my discontent began, was it really about corporate betrayal of the Cause? Or was I just damn pissed that others were getting their turn in the catbird seat? Did losing my special status turn me into a spoiled brat?
It is always important to consider one's own dark side before digging into everyone else's.
Good girl, bad girl. Better not to draw conclusions too soon about heroes and villains. At the moment I'm having fun exploring all the possibilities.
Robert McKee is the author of Story and screenwriting guru extraordinaire. If you saw the movie "Adaptation," he is the guy who gives the weekend screenwriting seminars, which is a fact. His book takes everything you learned in high school English class about stories and explains to you why it's still important and how you can see it all in good movies.