The stories we want to hear: who delivers children from evil? |
| A debate rages here over
the best way to raise money for children's services -- services for kids
in trouble: the bad, the sad, the mad. There is one camp that says you
need to pose as child- savers rescuing children from the most foul and
incestuous of families. Aside from the fact that these appeals manage to
tar all parents with the same brush, they haven't proven very effective
for drawing big dollars. They also only present Act I of what needs to
be a 3-act play. Okay, our scene opens and we find our family in
chaos. A chair is smashed against the wall creating a deep gouge...
But then what? We can presume that things go from bad to worse in Act II.
And then?
Americans love stories of redemption. We love it when the underdog triumphs. We mistrust institutions and government to have the best interest of "the little guy" at heart. In newspaper editorials we abhor truly evil abuse of children -- ok, we thrill in the outrage of it when pretty children die, but don't really care to spend money in the prevention of it. But as shrill as we are about protecting children, we also treasure the stories of our "dysfunctional" families. "Leave It to Beaver" is an outdated fantasy, an anomaly in the history of humans. "The Simpsons" rule. Shelves are filled with funny and bittersweet memoirs of childhoods in poor, chaotic, sexualized families that any social worker versed in her Code of Ethics would deem Inappropriate and Unacceptable. I decided to pay attention to the popular culture around me. What does it say about families? What does it say about children and who is best for them? |
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Television The Simpsons. How could anyone approve of Homer Simpson? Crude and verbally abusive. Are we shocked, shocked by this dysfunctional family or do we recognize them as all too normal (even though the kids have periodically gotten hauled off to foster care)? Titus. Some genuine dysfunctioning going on in this dark comedy. A murderous institutionalized mother. An abusive, alcoholic, womanizing father -- unrepentant. Current adult stories are mixed with childhood flashback. What's clear: the father and 2 sons have stuck together. Titus longs for his father's approval no matter how outrageous and withholding he is. It makes me think that families are the one sure thing we have. King of the Hill. Someone's going to tell me this is the thinly veiled saga of a gay child growing up with hopelessly prosaic Texas-American parents. But I prefer to think of Bobby Hill as everychild -- or at least everychild who has the spirit to think his life will take a different course from his parents. As squared off as the Hills like their life, they have also taken in a foster child -- the not-quite-ready-for-emancipation daughter of Peggy's jailed sister. Books White Oleander by Janet Fitch (Oprah's Book Club). I've just started this book but I'm immediately impressed by the desperate love of the child Astrid for her crazed and murderous mother. Her introduction to foster care is a dark and wrenching culture clash. The Liar's Club, a memoir by Mary Karr (a New York Times bestseller). A god-awful upbringing in East Texas that would drive a social worker to liberally apply pathology labels. Perhaps Mary and her sister should have been removed from the craziness, but then what? Where should they have been put? ("Put" -- a favorite social work term, as in "Where are we going to put this child now?" I see a boy running to his mother, in his hand a flower ripped out by the roots. The dog was going to pee on it so I saved it. Where are we going to put it now?) Movies AI: Artificial Intelligence shows us (despite the fantasy ending) that motherless creatures are tragic, condemned to roam the apocalyptic streets, victimized and dependent. Sixth Sense. The mother is frustrated and overwhelmed by her troubled child. Bruce Willis is a magical intermediary that brings peace to the child and mother and child are emotionally reunited. Parents are often portrayed as distracted and overwhelmed and ultimately reliant on that magical helper. I just saw Stephen King's Hearts in Atlantis -- very different plot, same idea: a distracted mom making poor choices, a boy facing the threats of adolescence, the magical mentor arriving to change the landscape. Throw in the boy's discovery of the man his dead father was -- a needed family reconnection lasting long beyond the disappearance of the mentor. Star Wars. A simple space opera turns into a family reunion. Even the likes of Darth Vadar can find redemption. And didn't the Indiana Jones trilogy also turn into a reunion between estranged father and son? Enough for now. To be continued... I'm interested in your take on this subject, so please write and let me know. 4.7.02 |