mad in pursuit journal


Anxious Artist

[Run your mouse over my dozing dame.]

Beat novelist Jack Kerouac said: "Struggle to sketch the flow that already exists intact in [your] mind." [1]

To blocked writers, TV writer Jerry Belsen [2] advised: "Just lay down shit, babe. Just lay down shit."

Some days I wonder whose advice I'm following. Some days I can't figure out whether my cartoon drawing is good in a bad way or bad in a good way. But I'm plugging away, the length of my two-minute video yawning before me like "Gone with the Wind."

Jack Kerouac took years and countless revisions to write his novels. Jerry Belsen had to get a TV show on the air every week.

In the rat-race life it's Product, Product, Product in a never-ending stream. In the art life (my aspiration) it's supposed to be more Process and Problem-solving. But when I do that, I feel guilty and anxious. What if I'm only being self-indulgent??? What if I'm wasting time??? What if a real artist looked over my shoulder and said, "You're doing it all wrong!"???

Anyway, yesterday I spent a lot of time revising some drawings and a lot of tiime problem-solving why blah-blah-blah wouldn't do yackety-yak. Whatever. And I got my dozing Great Dame above to chuckle at her own afternoon-nap phantoms.

As Clark Clifford said, "Wherever you go, that's where you're going to be." [3]


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[1] in "Belief & Technique for Nodern Prose"

[2] Writer for "Dick VanDyke Show" & other classics.

[3] According to MSNBC's Chris Matthews.