mad in pursuit journal

DISPATCHED FROM THE CROSSROADS, AT THE intersection OF indulgence and discipline

Bitch Goddesses Don't Diet

Because I'm doing ok right now with managing my weight, I'm jotting these thoughts down as a reminder for the next time I get out of sync with myself. It's an affirmation that, yes, I'm my own goddess and no one can tell me what to do except myself.

It's my own theory. Women with authority problems aren't going to succeed on someone else's diet plan.

If you hate when stupid people have power over you, it won't take you long to resist "the diet that lets you eat chocolate." Especially when the chocolate turns out to be a tasteless brown fake.

Over the years I've done it all. It's funny how the one thing we actually have control over — putting stuff in our mouths — we lose control over easiest. We stuff our mouths because the inner bitch goddess tells us we can do whatever we damn well please. We deserve it! And doesn't the goddess love to challenge the rules of any game?

Part of the problem is that "a diet" is "a project" — something we launch ourselves into and get done with. The faster the better. Smart, efficient women love projects.

But eating right and fitting into clothes is a long-term issue. So the process has to be deliberately slow and sustainable. In my world, eating "diet brownies" is not sustainable. But eating 1/2 my usual quota of M&Ms just might be.

So I don't diet. This bitch goddess only deigns to "recalibrate" or "rebalance" her intake of favorite food.

My philosophy:

Calories count. And I have no one to negotiate with except myself.

Weigh in every day and keep a very private graph on a teensy bit of graph paper. Yes, the number bounces around depending on water retention, but I'm looking for the underlying average. Also, it's not bad to be aware that salt is associated with chips, processed food, and restaurants.

Still, I usually wait till my clothes feel too tight before I give my inner goodess a talking to.

If I feel like I've totally lost my relationship with food, I start a food log, writing down whatever goes into my mouth. Maybe this is all I need. Or maybe I need to actually record the calories. Maybe I just need to LOOK at the calories on a box of cookies I've been mindlessly munching every time I walk into the kitchen. 80 calories each out of the 1000 I need to sustain life? Fuhgedduboudit!

Pick an area to work on — keep in mind rebalancing, never martydom. My action plans typically include one or more from the following menu:

The bitch goddess must always know she is in control. The idiot who wants to boss her around can't lay a hand on her. The bitch goddess must always know she is beautiful.

1.10.07