mad in pursuit journal
6.14.03 Where Am I?
These feel like amazing times and I'm doing nothing to keep track of this early phase of a major life change.
I am still plodding away at work -- lots of meetings, lots of reports to write. Some days I'm excited that it will soon be over. Other days I'm frustrated because I see that the gaping intellectual and creative hole that I leave will only be papered over with simplistic nonsense and they will blithely go on thinking nothing has changed.
My worry: that the simplistic nonsense will actually be more successful. Look at George Bush, after all.
And so to hell with them. I am preparing for my new life.
I wrote to Fugai last night: "My own anxieties are starting to build around what comes after retirement -- anxiety that I keep trying to reframe as excitement -- a journey into the unknown and unpredictable that I want to take -- that must be taken -- and so I feel like I'm packing for a trip somehow, fretting over just how to be best prepared."
And so I'm obsessing over how to keep everything organized: money, new business contacts, catalogs for things we want to sell, and all the bits of my creative projects.
Maria and I have had some public relations successes with our micro production company. At the Seneca Park Zoobilation zoo auction, we sold our offer to make a 2-minute video to a prominent local businessman. He bid $900 for the privilege of working with us.
On Thursday we made page 4 in our neighborhood newspaper. It's a birdcage liner I rarely look at, but suddenly that 18 column-inches + BW photo looks like the front page of the Wall St Journal. "Short films are big business for local duo" shouts the headline. Wow.
Just the fact that we wrote our own press release around the International Film Festival award, followed it up with phone calls, got interviewed, and nailed an article seems like a huge accomplishment in itself.
I'll be back, I promise. This is not a good time to abandon my writing.