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Tuesday, 11.01.05:  Psycho-Bitch, 2 (Go back to Part 1)

Okay, let's just say that for every psycho-bitch there's a psycho-dick.

And we'll say that being a sycophant* or courtier** is a necessary part of the psycho-bitch's poisonous personality. In other words, she sucks up to the boss -- like Harriet Miers with all those "you're the greatest" letters to George W. When the problem person is a woman, she has perfected the art of the zipperless blow-job. (If Monica Lewinsky had been a psycho-bitch, she would have been kept on in a permanent White House position but without ever having to endure the messiness of going through Bill's zipper.)

I guess if the courtier is male and his sovereign is a woman, he will be expert in the art of the hands-free snuggle.

For male-to-male or female-to-female... use your imagination...

But sycophancy is only the beginning. There are plenty of courtiers in the world who are just run-of-the-mill brown-noses, who hate their bosses but never miss sending a Boss's Day card.

The psycho-bitch or psycho-dick must also be capable of freakish behavior. Never in front of the boss, where they exude competence and maybe a tad of caffeinated exhaustion from staying up all night on the boss's pet project. No, they only act insane to their peers or to their subordinates.

The freakiness can take many forms: The actual freak out (ranting obscenities). Sexual misbehavior of the harassment variety. Undermining fellow workers by presenting "evidence" of their incompetence to the boss. Developing conspiracies or coalitions against the people they dislike.

So, back in my Institution days, while a certain psycho-bitch was busy persuading me of her superior knowledge and long hours of hard work, she was making a case against her chief competitor and persuading the junior staff to go whine to the Big Boss about how incapable of managing the team I was. Oh, it makes me groan now. What's even more bizarre, is that when she handed me her resignation over a petty dispute with another team member, two of my colleagues begged me to figure out a way to make her stay because she was so invaluable and so irreplaceable. And I did.

Ugly.

The problem with the psycho-bitch is that she is, well, psycho. Where the rest of us innocents struggle to find common ground, build consensus, be good team players, the psycho-bitch has her own set of dark rules -- self-protective, controlling, paranoid, and beyond reason. And loyalty is reserved only for herself.

 

*sycophant: a person who tries to please someone in order to gain a personal advantage

**courtier: (1) An attendant at the court of a sovereign. (2) One who seeks favor, especially by flattery or obsequious behavior

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