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7.30.04 Opinion About Democrats

Kerry looks like a bloodhound, that's his problem. But we are at that stage where we want to judge the new candidates on their appearances. You'd think that sad eyes and an Abe-Lincoln face would be an asset for the presidency. Since we're being superficial, I like his face better than Edwards' face. While I like a big smile, he looks like he's about to break out in an "Up with People" medley. And what's with the constant thumbs-up? It's beginning to look like his hands are deformed. You know that the man has seen poverty and tragedy. You know that if he's a wildly successful litigator, he must be a super strategist and a great tactician. Hmm, a thinker. But all we see are his teeth and his thumbs.

The new guys must endure these commentaries, as will their wives, whose fashion sense and dresses sizes will be more important than their brains.

Funny how much gravitas Bill Clinton has achieved in 12 years. You don't hear of him being referred to as Bubba or the Pillsbury Doughboy these days. A dozen years ago there weren't many analysts referring to him as charismatic and his speech-making was simply considered long-winded.

On the other hand, the Bush team has gone from being a couple of blandly good-looking Republicans to disturbing caricatures. Cheney is a smirking gnome -- the Evil Elf. Bush's face has gotten so tight -- he looks like the guy they referred to as "ferret face" in the old M.A.S.H. series. But maybe the ugly caricatures are part of the territory once you've been in office for a while.

We are terribly superficial. We just have a hard time sitting still for in-depth analysis. We want to hear what Kerry "stands for" but could we please just have it in a slogan? After all the grins we saw in the Abu Ghraib photos, I'd like to suggest my own slogan: "Restoring Faith in the American Smile."

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